Manifestation

Apparently 'manifestation' is the latest wellbeing fad. It's the new 'gratitude', which was the new 'mindfulness.'

Fans of manifestation include Gwyneth Paltrow (obviously), and Oprah Winfrey.

But, it's not a new idea. 'Manifestation' has been practised, in one form or another, for centuries.

In our lifetime, the most popular exposition of the concept was the global bestselling book - The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.

More recently, and less successfully, Noel Edmonds repackaged the same thought as 'Cosmic Ordering.'

The basic premise behind all of these concepts is exactly the same: If you really, really want something, all you have to do is visualise it.

Or, to quote The Secret: If you see it in your mind, you're going to hold it your hand.

Now, I'm a Pisces, and I'm quite open to all of this sort of stuff (especially so since I got sober, and had time and space to think), so I finally got around to buying The Secret.

(By the way, it's not a very well kept Secret. It's on Amazon).

There's a lovely, simple (naïve?) thought behind the book.

It's that since everything in the universe is comprised of the same tiny atomic particles we are all connected, and our thoughts act as a kind of magnet (bear with me).

The universe is, apparently, ruled by the Law of Attraction - like attracts like. So, if you think happy thoughts, happy things will be attracted to you, and if you think bad things, bad things happen.

Comprende?

I confess I was a little sceptical.

But then I read that all you needed to do to get rich was to imagine yourself already wealthy. Ah ha! The solution to all my problems! What's not to like?

So I gave it a really good go. I followed all the advice. I thought about money - a lot. A lot of money. I acted like I was rich, spending money I didn't have (yes, that really is one of the recommendations!).

I even bought a lottery ticket and entered those competitions on the telly where you text a number to win a brand new Range Rover and wads of cash.

Then, as suggested, I waited for the money to flow in.

AND YOU'LL NEVER GUESS WHAT?!?!

....nothing. Not a penny. Not even a magic bean.

I read through the book further and got to the section on health. They told the story of someone diagnosed with cancer who 'thought themselves well' and got well. The cancer, as if by magic, disappeared.

At this stage I started to get angry. Having just had my life saved (I hope) by surgery, radiotherapy and hormone therapy, I do think that anyone encouraging very sick people to believe that they can heal themselves through positive thinking is bordering on criminal.

However, the reason all these theories have had traction over the years is that there is something in it.

We are very often scuppered by our subconscious. However much we try to achieve something, or be someone, if our subconscious is not playing ball we will not succeed.

Also, our success is partly predicated by how other people see us. If people believe we are achievers - in whatever field - we are more likely to become so.

And that's how The Secret, and Manifestation, and Cosmic Ordering work (I believe).

If you imagine yourself being something, really, properly imagine it, then your subconscious will play ball, and the people surrounding you will help it to happen. A simple example: if you believe that you are sexy, men are more likely to fancy you.

(For more on visualisation and how it works, see my post: I am Khaleesi!)

This is really relevant to all of us, because I constantly get mails, and read blogs from people saying 'I really think I might be able to do it this time.' And I know that they're going to find it tough going. Not because they don't really want to succeed, but because you can tell by their language that they don't really, really believe that it's possible.

The way to think isn't 'perhaps I can do it, even though it's going to be hard and I'm going to be miserable,' it's this:

I have done it! I am, from this day forward, A NON DRINKER! Yippee! Hurrah! Clever me. My new life starts HERE. I know it'll take my body a little while to get used to the idea, and I know the Wine Witch'll try to throw me off course, but I'm READY for all of that.

You have to keep saying that to yourself until you really, really believe it. (And, more importantly, your subconscious gets with the programme and starts to believe it too).

When you visualise the future DO NOT picture yourself as a sad and miserable non drinker, picture a happy, healthy, sober you.

Here's a good trick. Take some pictures of your favourite sober people and stick them on your fridge. Bradley Cooper? Robert Downey Junior? Jessie J? Anna Wintour even?

Then add a photo of you from the days before you got bit in the butt by the booze. Find a picture where you're healthy, smiling, energised - doesn't matter if you were only five years old at the time - and stick it up there with the other happy, sober people.

Then, when the Wine Witch tells you you'd be happier having a drink say 'No, no, no! I am a HAPPY NON DRINKER, just like all these other happy non-drinkers you see here on my fridge door. So back off, b***h, and go bother someone who wants to listen.'

And that, my friends, is manifestation. If you really, truly believe it will happen, it will happen.

Love SM x

Gratitude

It's not happy people who are grateful, it's grateful people who are happy.

I found that the single most difficult thing about quitting the booze was dealing with stress and anxiety.

For years, or decades even, we have reached for a glass of our favourite tipple whenever the going got tough, 'to take the edge off.'

For me, this became such an ingrained habit that I'd automatically anaesthetise even the smallest stresses. (Uh oh, the telephone's ringing, better have a glass of vino).

So, when we quit, dealing with all of that day to day stuff, raw, is a bit of a shock.

That's why, whenever I attempted Dry January, I'd generally choose a start date of January 5th. Firstly, it knocked a few days of the month, and secondly because the beginning of January can be a bit stressful.

Yesterday was a case in point.

I had to get everything packed up and cleaned ready to move the family back home from skiing in the Swiss Alps to London, involving one taxi, one train, one plane and one car journey.

We were due to get home 10pm, with kids starting school 8.30am the next day (aarrrgghhh!).

Added to which, I knew that on my return I'd be back to earth with a huge bump, dealing with the flood in our cellar, the two pounds I've gained over Christmas, the annual tax return, and the biggie.

'The biggie' is the fact that over the last week I've managed really successfully to forget about the whole cancer thing. I've hardly thought about it, after two months of thinking about little else.

But now I have to get back to the reality of check ups and starting a ten year course of Tamoxifen.

In the old days I would have drunk my way through a day like yesterday. Not getting drunk (it took quite a lot to get me drunk by that stage), but providing a constant blur to all the stress.

A glass or two while packing, one at the airport, one on the plane (more if I could brave the disapproval of the air hostess), and the best part of a bottle on returning home.

Not now.

So I'm always looking for new ways of relieving stress. Usually I'd do a bit of 'time out.' A hot bath, a good book, a slice of cake. No good, however, if you have to travel hundreds of miles.

Well, apparently GRATITUDE is the new Mindfulness. Arnold Schwarzenegger, Pierce Brosnan, Barack Obama, and many more, swear by it.

Oprah insists that the 'gratitude diary' she's been keeping for the last twenty years is the most important thing she has done in her life.

Twitter is suddenly littered with #gratitude (accompanied by sick making pictures of minor celebrities doing improbable yoga poses in jaw dropping locations).

There's science behind it too.

Psychologists have shown that gratitude is linked to better sleep, less anxiety and depression, sounder relationships and higher long-term satisfaction with life.

It even makes us healthier, and Janice Kaplan, author of 'The Gratitude Diaries' swears that being grateful for our food can make us thinner.

The bestselling self-help book The Secret takes the concept of gratitude even further, claiming:

Gratitude is a powerful process for shifting your energy and bringing more of what you want into your life. Be grateful for what you already have and you will attract more good things.

What's not to like?

So I gave it go. I took my list of all the things that were stressing me out, and turned it on it's head.

Instead of fretting about the journey, I focused on what a great holiday we'd had.

Kids back to school equals more free time - yay!

Thank goodness we'd found the mains pipe leak in our cellar before we went away and were able to turn the water off.

A two pound weight gain is nothing compared to the eight pounds I'd have gained over a boozy Christmas.

Well done me earning (just) enough cash last year to qualify for a tax return.

And, the biggie: Thank you, thank you Universe, for the fact that I'm currently (as far as they can tell) cancer free.

And you know what? IT WORKS!

I went from dreading the day to feeling positively buoyant.

So, next time you hit a bump in the road and it makes you really, really want a drink, remember this one:

There are people out there who would love to have your bad days...

.....and have a hot chocolate instead. Or an AF beer.

(I do have to confess that I did need a crate of Becks Blue by the time I got home, despite all the Gratitude stuff).

Love to you all, and Thank you!

SM x

Visualisation

I'm a huge believer in the power of visualisation, and it can be a fabulous tool to help you get sober.

If you're in the early days of quitting, you'll find that instead of the voice in your head (the one that keeps persuading you to drink, even when you really, really don't want to) getting quieter, it gets louder and louder.

I find it really helps to visualise the voice. It's important to remember that it's not part of you. It's a separate thing that can be beaten and banished, leaving you free.

I call the voice the Wine Witch.

Imagine that there is a witch curled around your back, her arms around your throat, her talons clutching your collar bone.

She's really heavy, dragging you down and making you exhausted. And she's constantly whispering in your ear, causing you to behave in ways you don't like, making you hate yourself.

(Heroin addicts know this feeling too - it's why they talk about 'the monkey on their back').

Now, here's the truth: the only thing keeping the witch alive is alcohol.

Every day you refuse to give her what she wants, she gets weaker.

BUT BEWARE! The weaker she gets, the more cunning she gets about trying to get her fix.

DO NOT GIVE IN! Feeding the witch will keep her happy for a short while - she'll shut up, seem lighter and less intrusive. But you'll make her stronger, and she'll only come back with a vengeance the minute you start depriving her again.

Slowly, slowly, without alcohol, the witch gets weaker, quieter and lighter. Then one day you turn around and realise that she's no longer there! You are free, light and unburdened. There's no-one dripping poison in your ear. It's just you, as you're meant to be, as you used to be.

Another way visualisation can help is when you need some extra strength. The clock strikes wine o'clock, and you're literally grinding your teeth and sitting on your hands.

I'm a huge Game of Thrones fan, so at this point I would imagine I was Kalheesi, and would unleash my dragons and army of the unsullied at the Wine Witch, which would usually do the trick (see I am Kalheesi).

The third way to use visualisation is to picture yourself where you want to be.

Many people (including the fabulous Wayne Dyer - see my post Change the Way You Look at Things) believe in the Power of Attraction: that if you can really see the result you want, you can make it happen. This is also the essence of the global bestseller The Secret.

So, picture yourself sober, happy, healthy, free. If you can see it, you can be it.

I'm using visualisation right now. I'm imaging that all the toxins and the bad stuff that I've done in my life has been concentrated in the little malignant lump in my left boob, which after my operation tomorrow will be all gone.

So it's like a brand new start, all clean and cancer free. A new chapter in the novel of my life.

And, just in case it gets a bit rocky for a while, I have some great guys on standby to help me through. I'm imagining them facing off any stray cancer cells, and I'm offering them to you, too, to help you whenever you need them.

CLICK HERE!

Love to you all!

SM x

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