I seem to have become 'a thing' in Russia. Not a 'big thing', but a 'thing' nonetheless.
Until recently I rarely picked up readers over there - a mere handful a week. But now I'm getting around 1,500 page views a day just from Russia, making it my third largest readership (after the USA and UK).
Now I've always had a bit of a girlie crush on Russia. Ever since I read Anna Karenina, and lusted after a fur-swathed Omar Sharif in Doctor Zhivago.
I also think Russian is the world's most romantic language.
Mr SM spent a year living in St Petersburg, so speaks passable Russian. When we started dating I would get him to talk to me in Russian during our romantic moments.
(I assumed he was reciting love poetry. Turns out he was saying "Waiter! A plate of your finest meatballs please!")
I studied Russian Economic History for a year of my degree course at Cambridge.
I was fascinated by a country of such beauty - Faberge, Chekov, the Hermitage, such extremes - the Tzars and the serfs, the palaces and the gulags, Nureyev and Rasputin, and the crazy boldness of communism, central planning and butch, female shot-putters.
In 1987, at the age of eighteen, I decided to travel round Russia and Soviet Central Asia (Uzbekistan and Kazakhstan).
In those days the only way to do this was on an official InTourist tour, staying in state sanctioned and controlled Tourist Hotels.
We were guided everywhere, and when we managed to steal some time on our own we were followed by the KGB (spotting, then losing, our assigned KGB agent became our favourite game).
My trip was fascinating, but it was blighted by one thing: lack of vodka.
I'd assumed that we'd spend our evenings swilling back vodka and Cossack dancing on the tables of quaint Russian bars. But no.
Gorbachev had introduced the 'dry laws' to try to address the huge problem of alcohol related illness and work absenteeism in Russia.
As the state controlled all supply and pricing of vodka, they were able to close the liquor shops and massively increase the prices. I was outraged. But not as much as the Russian people were.
It turns out that shortly after I returned home the dry laws were repealed. The state was suffering from lack of vodka revenue, and the people were getting sick from moonshine brewed in garden sheds.
I did a bit of research to see what's happened to Russia's vodka habit now.
According to WHO data analysed by the OECD, more than 30% of all deaths in Russia in 2012 were attributable to alcohol.
That's insane.
(The same calculation showed a 3.4% attribution in the UK and 3.2% in the USA).
As a result, life expectancy for a Russian man in 2012 was 65 years, compared to 76 in the US and 74 in China.
After heart disease and cancer, alcohol is the third biggest killer in Russia.
So what's being done about it?
Well, AA hardly has any presence in Russia, as it has never been approved or sanctioned by the state. Instead, the main treatment for alcoholism and drug addiction seems to be a method known as 'coding.'
There are various alternative therapeutic methods which come under the umbrella of 'coding', but they all attempt to scare patients into abstinence by convincing them that they will be harmed or killed if they use it again.
The therapist pretends to insert a 'code' into patients' brains, using a combination of theatrics - hypnosis, placebos and drugs - with temporary adverse effects, to make the patient believe that their drug of choice is now extremely dangerous.
How crazy is that?
For a start, it's all based on a big fat fib. And, secondly, we know that scaring people into quitting doesn't work.
(How many times did we read SMOKING KILLS on the cigarette packets as we merrily lit another?)
(How many times did we read SMOKING KILLS on the cigarette packets as we merrily lit another?)
So, if you're reading this from Russia (big thanks to Google Translate), then WELCOME!
Just put down the vodka and start living....
Love SM x
