Friday, 14 October 2016

Meh

For the last week or so I've been feeling a bit meh.

I think this is partly triggered by breast cancer awareness month.

It makes me want to yell, like a crazy person, "I am already effing AWARE. It's exactly a year since I got it, I've got a cancer check up in the diary that I can't stop fretting about and I do not need your silly PINK RIBBONS in order to remember breast cancer. In fact, I could do with forgetting all about it, so eff off with your fundraising t-shirts and bake sales."

But that wouldn't be very nice.

The quicksand of meh has not been helped by Mr SM and the children pointing out, somewhat gleefully, that the lady who threaded my eyebrows last weekend must have been drinking (oh, the irony), because one eyebrow is higher than the other - permanently cocked in surprise.

This means that whatever anyone says to me, my face replies with a rudely sardonic "oh, really?"

I have a sarcastic resting face.

I am trying to even out my errant brows with tweezers, but am mindful of the occasion when I was at boarding school and offered to trim a friend's waist length hair. I tried to take an inch off, but it ended up shorter on one side than the other. So I cut more off. This time it veered in the opposite direction.

Needless to say, she ended up with a bob. A wonky bob. I tried to convince her it was very Depeche Mode. She cried.

Perhaps this is karma?

In the old days I would have drunk my way through the meh. But this time I am being helped by something a reader sent me a few weeks ago. She said that whenever she felt bleurgh she'd remember this quote by George Denslow (who was bipolar):

Honour your rhythm.

We all have natural rhythms, but heavy drinking masks them, and after decades of drinking we become totally oblivious to them, stuck in a permanent fug.

Our moods are affected by many things, often beyond our control - hormones, the weather, our sleep patterns and so on.

We are so used to self medicating that we forget that it is okay to feel sad sometimes. It passes. Recognise it, honour it, then sit with it until it moves on.

I've found that two things help:

Exercise - especially out doors, ideally surrounded by nature, even better with a dog, best of all with a dog and a friend, and a doggy friend for your dog.

Then, the opposite: hibernating. Wrapping up warm, clutching a hot chocolate and going to bed super early with a good book.

And, after a few days of doing just that, my meh is clearing.

This is helped by the fact that I've got the painters in.

(That's not a euphemism - I really do have the painters in).

For the last few years the front of my house has looked like a sad, neglected, middle aged lady, covered in cracks and blemishes.

Now she looks years younger. All bright eyed, clear skinned and optimistic.

If only they could do the same for me....

Happy Friday everyone!

SM x



24 comments:

  1. Hope you have a much better weekend SM. :)

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  2. I'm feeling Meh too. It's another Day 1 for me today. I need to get myself in gear and do all the things you recommend, just feel a bit paralysed at the moment. X

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    1. You can do it Shazza! We're all with you ❤️

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  3. Complain about the eyebrows, you may get a free facial & a freebie is always good to get rid of the meh feeling. x

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  4. I used to resent Breast Cancer Awareness month - so much awareness for Breast Cancer - when my own cancer seemed to slide under the carpet. Ah well. I hate pink. Two of my sisters are Breast Cancer survivors, and I think of them a lot this month.

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    1. Big cancer survivor hug to you, lovely Lois, and your sisters xxx

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  5. Beautiful- thank you for sharing and happy weekend to you. And I agree about the dog :).

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  6. Don't forget SM - that since you quit drinking - you've dropped over a stone in weight and more than likely got that twinkle back in your eye - which is appealing even with a cocked eyebrow - your updated painted house has nothing on the updated SM. Nice bit on riding the waves of emotions. Eeyore (who's not too gloomy today)

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    1. I was thinking about you, Eeyore when I was listening to a hysterical John Finnemore sketch where Eeyore and his friends stage an intervention on Pooh, confronting him with his honey addiction xxx

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  7. Honey, you did your personal paint job when you quit drinking, maybe you just need a new touch-up, or maybe you need to sit back and re-fall in love with what you've done to "the place." (YOU!) I mean come on, you've gotten sober, you've beaten breast cancer, you've maintained this blog for the masses, you've managed a household complete with spouse and children, and you've written a book! Compare that to the every day joe on the street!

    Go throw a friggin' parade in your honor, meanwhile I'm going to pray for a completely normal check-up.

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    1. Thank you, KM! I'm feeling better already! Xxx

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  8. I hear you about the breast cancer awareness month! I was diagnosed on 8/8/04. While there is no good month to hear "you've got cancer," hearing that you've got breast cancer during breast cancer awareness month just plain old stinks! In fact, I got such a bee in my bonnet about it, that I don't even wear pink anymore (and, it is a good color for me according to the color wheel! :)) But, that being said, I want to share a really cute breast cancer/doggie picture with you. I'm going to see how to share it here or I will email it to you! It might make you a bit more lighthearted about this month....I know it made me laugh! xo

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    1. Sorry...date of dx was 10/8/04!!! And, I had to email you the pic! I hope it makes you laugh as much as it did me! xo

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  10. OMG- the eyebrows, the wonky bob, Depeche Mode. You're killing me! hahah!!

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  11. This was the perfect message for me this morning. Yesterday was day 3 and I woke up feeling motivated and excited. Today, the opposite. Time to think about the fact that there are other factors involved in my emotions that don't involve drinking and time to think about that as opposed to dwelling on no drinks for me. Unbelievable to realize how ridiculous I have become. Thanks for the message SM. You're the best.

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  13. Day one again for me, but I'm trying something new. Your words always help me. In the next few days, hibernation is in order. And dog walks. Annie x

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  14. I really like that. Honour your rhythm. I think I used alcohol for everything and forgot to just do basic things. Sleep when you are tired. Eat when you hungry. This seems so simple but when I was at the height of my addiction I never honoured my rythms at all. I was running on empty because I was running on ethanol. You are right, some days you will just feel meh, and that's ok!

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  15. Your post inspired me to start a painting project too. It's amazing how much you can get done when you're not drunk (day 78- I can't believe it).

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    1. huge congrats on 78 days, Stacy! You rock!

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    2. Thank you! xoxo --Yesterday (while painting) I listened to Guts by Kristen Johnston. Have you read it? Really great, short read (or listen- and she reads it perfectly).

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  16. Hey SM, just checking in. Not seen a post from you in forever (4 days ha ha) just hoping the Meh has not returned. I hope you are honouring your rhythm but also remember we are the start of S.A.D. Seasonal Affective Disorder season and even the cheeriest my upbeat people's brain think 'Hey where did the daylight and my happy go?' As and aside I saw another blogger mention they have just bought Depeche Mode tickets for next year, maybe you can don your fingerless gloves and redo the sardonic brow (may well be the 'new' Scouse Brow) and head off to see them. Big hug. Ginger

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    1. lol! Am going to look up the Depeche Mode tour. Thank you!

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