Sunday, 18 September 2016

Make Life Easy

I'm quite sure that part of the reason we mums end up so reliant on booze is that we put so much pressure on ourselves to do everything perfectly.

We have to make cakes for the school bake sale, help our kids turn in the best possible school project, cook organic food from scratch and look vaguely presentable for the school run.

We run ourselves ragged taking kids to playdates and after school activities and, on top of all that, many of us are also trying to hold down high pressure jobs or, at least, trying to find some way to earn enough money to cover the housekeeping.

I just received an e-mail from a fabulous lady I met through this blog, J. She said:

I get fed up with the endless school requests, usually sent the day before. 

"Please send your child in wearing yellow for Roald Dahl day". I don't have four effing yellow t-shirts!  "Please send your child in tomorrow wearing a pirate costume". Thanks for the notice!  

Not to mention the mummy WhatsApp groups. "Who would like to help me run the name-the-bear stall?"

I think I am getting cynical in my old age, but some of those PTA mums just need to get stoned and have sex.

I laughed so much that the coffee I was drinking came out of my nose.

So, here's a plea from me: Give yourself a break.

Buy the fancy dress costumes off Amazon (they do great, incredibly cheap, costumes for all occasions - just make sure the kids don't go near any naked flames), get the cakes from the supermarket, decant them into a Tupperware box and 'distress' them a little. No-one will know. And keep the after school clubs to a minimum - your children will love you for it.

One of the (few) upsides of getting breast cancer was being able to turn down all the requests from the PTA. "So sorry, can't help with the second-hand uniform sale. I have cancer." Works like a dream. (Not that I'd recommend it).

And here's my favourite new discovery:

I always wanted to be the kind of mum who does lots of home baking. It's taken me twelve years of motherhood to accept that that's just not me. Then last week came across COOKIE DOUGH (I buy Mo's chocolate chip).

It's awesome!

You keep it in the fridge, then cut it into 1cm disks, stick 'em in the oven for 8 minutes and voila! Your house smells of baking and you have a tray of yummy, warm, 'home baked' cookies without any hassle and minimal washing up.

So please, please let's all try to stop being so damn perfect. It's enough to drive anyone to drink...

Love SM x


  1. Hi SM, great post as always. Anyone out there needing a laugh should head on over to Radio 4 I Player and listen to the Friday morning comedy slot at 1130 by a brilliant Australian comedienne called Deborah Frances White - 30 minutes on how she escaped from the Jehovah's Witnesses - sorry to any JVs but you're probably not reading sober blogs given that you don't drink. I heard it on Friday while on my commute back from London (yes I know, my boss is away and the weather in West London was shit so I cut away a bit early!!). Anyway, very funny and worth the licence fee (don't worry Americans and Canadians - there are ways to get round the BBC I player regional locks). Hope you are all having a great sober weekend.


    1. Thank you for the reco! Will bookmark that for my next car journey :-)

  2. You are a GEM - a good enough mum! Me too! That's all I aim to be!

  3. This pilot is superb! Hoping they make the series. Perfect antidote.

    1. I loved that pilot! Especially the line 'I just want my children to be bought up like I was - by my mother!' Xxx

  4. "Ok, sorry, but you're "Sorry, can't attend, have cancer." made me blow diet coke out my nose. It's been a while since I had school age kids but I remember thinking then, "The school system is passive agressive against working moms. This is the way they show their displeasure that we went to work."
    I am so relieved and happy that you no longer have an excuse to miss out on those PTA meetings.

    1. If my book is ever published, I suspect I'll never be asked by the PTA to do anything ever again ;-)

    2. Well, it seems to me that's a result! Sometimes the best people are burdened upon so we need some sort of kick-back.

  5. I remember burning out at Christmas with four kids in the same elementary school - Teacher Gifts. I finally simply stopped buying them. Why do we torture ourselves with obligations? I am thankfully past that now, but other life obligations are rearing ugly heads now. Learning how to say no.

  6. Great post. I'm contemplating ceasing my cooking and baking services to my family for a while. Sometimes it's just too much. Day 11 here and going strong.

  7. Oh thank you for that. It really hits home. This perfect thing sucks rocks.