I was reading Angie's blog this morning (My quest for an alcohol free life).
I've been following Angie, a lovely Australian nurse, for over a year. She got as far as 100 days once, but then disappeared. We all missed her terribly. Then she came back. Back at Day One.
But this time she sounds different. She's got to around four months, and I honestly think she's cracked it. Go Angie!
Angie was talking about a wonderful day out with her husband and son, picnicking by the river, and how she was overwhelmed with sadness, because it would have been perfect if they'd been able to share a bottle of wine.
Fear of missing out (or, as my children would say, FOMO) is a big problem for we newly sober people. Even after thirteen months I still get hit by it from time to time.
There you are, having a blast, when out of nowhere a voice pipes up it'd be better with a glass of vino, wouldn't it? You're really missing out.
Now we're not very good at missing out. If we were, then we would probably be good at moderation *rolls on floor laughing*.
When FOMO hits me I remind myself that the picture of me calmly, and happily, sipping one glass of wine is a myth.
Because one glass of wine doesn't really do anything, does it? You might as well drink a glass of elderflower cordial.
All one glass of wine does is make you want more. It doesn't leave you feeling better, it leaves you feeling dissatisfied.
So, you wouldn't be sitting there drinking one glass, you'd be sharing a bottle. And all the while you'd be trying to make sure that you were getting at least your fair share of that bottle.
And, when the bottle was gone, you'd rearrange whatever plans you had had to ensure that you could carry on drinking.
And by the end of the evening you'd be tetchy, or morose, or boring, or embarrassing, or something you didn't want to be.
So, you're not really missing out at all, because that one glass is a total fantasy.
What you are missing out on is waking up in the middle of the night, tossing and turning and sweating booze.
You're missing out on wasting the morning feeling yucky and regretful.
You're missing out on telling yourself yet again that this is the day you'll start being sensible and drink mindfully and moderately, only at weekends, and never more than two glasses.
So, next time you get an attack of the FOMOs, remind yourself what you really are missing.
Love to you all,
SM x
Ive had abit of this lately seems to have returned for some reason. Been giving myself a talking to each time but it seems to be lurking at the back of my mind. Im 14 & abit months maybe need to look at Paws. Dont like this slightly fragile feeling after putting along nicely
ReplyDeleteI've been feeling this way lately been giving myself a talking to each time. Don't like this fragile feeling after so long. 14 mths. Maybe paws will check it out
ReplyDeleteI think the problem is that the more time elapses the more we forget the bad times and romanticise the good. Xxx
DeleteYes this is right - I remember reading something a few years back about the real meaning of the word nostalgia. It's more like a false memory syndrome, rather than what we interpret it to be - missing better times in days gone by.
DeleteI read an article about what it's like being sober 2 years along. The author stated that once in a while the earning for alcohol can hit hard and out of nowhere.
DeleteMy experience so far 13 months out has been similar. Anxiety, stress and guilt brings these feelings to the surface. What do I do about this when it comes up? Mediate, pray, call a friend.
I hope this helps! And I don't pick up that first drink no matter how bad my day is going.
Thanks for the shout out SM. I had been okay for ages but now suddenly I've been having these feelings of missing out. You put it perfectly! FOMO - I've heard young girls use this term and would never thought it applied to me. I think you're right, we do forget after a while. That's why it's good to blog and remind yourself how bad it used to be. I just have to remind myself to play the tape to the end each time. I definitely don't miss the hangovers though! A x
ReplyDeleteA week of two halves for me. FOMO massively in the first half due to tackling first holiday without alcohol. This was soooo tough. I applied the principles of the early days, dug in and marched on through.
ReplyDeleteThe second half of the week has brought relaxation and lovely memories made. Rather than being comatose and able to remember nothing...don't miss that! xx
Well done Scous Mous! Sober holidays are awesome once you get over the FOMO. Apart from anything else, there's so many more hours in the day to enjoy! Xxx
DeletePerfectly timed subject, thanks SM. I've got a couple of holidays coming up and the thought of doing them sober is alarming. I need to remember the reality. Xx
ReplyDeleteSO - see the comment above from Scous Mous! Xx
DeleteThanks for a perfectly timed post. At almost 7 months, I've been having these FOMO feelings for about 2 weeks. The cravings are back, not too strong or persistent, but still unpleasant. Definitely romanticizing that first glass of red.
ReplyDeleteYou are like some sort of psychic! This is exactly how I've been lately. This post is just in time. Am also away for a week on Saturday and feel quite glum as I would normally enjoy a nice pint in a country pub etc. What am I going to drink instead! Meh .... Must knuckle down and get a grip
ReplyDeleteI've been on Becks Blue and Lime with Soda for my first hol Alcohol Free. I swear some of the ones later on in the week have even had the same effect as a glass of wine...! xx
DeleteHello dear sir/madam
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Good post. So true! Fomo is the number 1 reason I always cave in. I just have to remember that after the first drink I am always chasing the next one, and the next one, and so on... And it takes over whatever I am doing. It's never 'having a nice drink'. It just becomes me trying to reach some sort of unattainable drunken high that never quite gets there despite my determination! Next stop: hangover, anxiety and self loathing!! Thanks for the wise post SM x x x
ReplyDelete15 years ago, my mother died from alcoholism. I got so scared that I'd follow in her path that I quit drinking - but I didn't have a problem yet. At that time, I was single and loved hanging out with my friends at bars. I adored going to these bars sober and watching my friends get silly and sloshy. I felt pretty superior that I could happily hold a glass of sparkling water and hold a reasonable conversation all night long. I never felt like I was missing out. If only I could summon that old me again. I tell this story to share that there might be something beautiful and bold in being the only one to not drink in a crowd. And I bet, that many of them are looking at us and hoping they can become us someday. This is probably a radical point of view but I'm going to hold onto it and remember how I used to feel. I'll try that point of view on the next time I'm in a FOMO situation and see if it still fits.
ReplyDeleteI was about to write a comment about this post (great as always SM!) and then I noticed a lovely comment from a familiar spammer about the High Time Cannabis Cup .....hilarious.....but back to the post, this is so true, it's the worry that we'll be left in the corner, all sad with our tap water...but it couldn't be further from the reality :)
ReplyDeleteHOW I miss that first martini!! Getting out the ice, pouring the crystal liquid, the first sip or two. I expect I'll always miss it. But what IS the point of one martini?? And so, I don't miss the second, or the third....and so on. I don't miss being disgusted with myself. I don't miss the chiding, nagging voice in my head reminding me what a pathetic person I am. And I want never to forget those negatives.....now that the liquor cabinet is closed and I'm on the positive side!
ReplyDeleteDearest SM - another awesome post. Thank you so much SM. These posts really useful to me at the mo as I think about my upcoming holiday - sans vino. And anyway back to the last few posts also. I was actually feeling a little bleurghh on my day 100. Busy annoying day at work, kids were playing up after school and almost a bit of an anti climax (like I was expecting some lightning to strike me on day 100 and all of a sudden feel even more amazing - becasue btw I do feel pretty amazing now I am AF). Anyway it wasnt till the following day that I saw your reply to me and the other lovely congrats from your lovely readers and I was beaming from ear to ear and did feel so happy. Then when I checked in with your blog today and saw I'd actually been mentioned in your post yesterday (well done to all my fellow 100's btw. We totally rock dont we.... Crazy huh but I am still fairly low key about being AF (and only 2 close people in my life know I'm doing this .... there's for some advice another day - is that a good or a bad thing... who cares it works for me and here I am on day 103! So I think that is why it means so much to me, to have you lovely sober cybersphere folk share in my 100 day celebration. Also - as you all say - you will still have good and bad days - whether you're drinking or not. But boy - is it easier to cope with the bad ones when you're sober and they really dont impact as much. And yes SM, I look around and I see those wonderful bunnies. Thank you so much. At one point I though I'd never get here! Lots of love SFM
ReplyDeleteAnd it gets easier and better and I would never have thought that me, out of all people, would ever give up alcohol! SFM I didn't really tell anyone as didn't want a big deal made of it. I didn't even properly discuss it with my husband. I just knew I wanted to try it and didn't want encouragement or discouragement! Twisted but it worked for me! My first holiday was hard the first night then fine after that. I drank af beer, stayed up late with hubby and kids and even lost weight!
ReplyDeleteHi EH. Thanks for that. So good to get advice form folk further along this road than me. Always enjoy reading your replies to SM. I spent a bit of time in Edinburgh. It's a city clsoe to my heart. Happy sober weekend. Love SFM
DeleteHi EH. Thanks for that. So good to get advice form folk further along this road than me. Always enjoy reading your replies to SM. I spent a bit of time in Edinburgh. It's a city clsoe to my heart. Happy sober weekend. Love SFM
DeleteMartinis...I think the quote is one is not enough, two is too many
ReplyDeletebut three is nowhere near enough ...or something along those lines.
One martini, two martini, three martini, FLOOR!
DeleteAlso, attributed to Dorothy Parker:I like to have a martini,Two at the very most.After three I'm under the table,after four I'm under my host.'
Nailed it again SM. Thanks. I'm approaching my first soberversary in a few days and FOMO has reared its ugly head again. Thoughts are filled with - "What?" "Forever?" "No more fun, crazy nights out - EVER?" Rational head knows it's all bullshit, but I've felt more wobbly than I have done for months. Back to basics for me and thanks for the timely reminder! xxx
ReplyDeleteFirst time posting but have been reading your blog from the beginning SM! You have inspired me and am now on day 3. FOMO did rear it's head last night but I managed to swerve it's evil callings.....thanks so much for your great and motivating posts.
ReplyDeleteWelcome SunFlower, and huge congrats on Day 3! Keep at it! Love SM x
DeleteSo true, the idea in our heads is so much better than actually drinking. One glass of wine is pointless, it's never going to be one for me (or two). As someone who has restarted more times than I care to imagine, I know it too well.
ReplyDeletetee hee thank you.
ReplyDelete