I Need Help

I'm finding it very hard to write this. I'm trying not to cry, and trying to breathe properly. I'm hoping that writing this down will help, as I don't think I can talk to anyone right now.

Yesterday, I discovered that a much loved Aunt of mine has aggressive breast cancer. It was horrible news to hear (via my mother), and I haven't yet even begun to process it.

Then, with this in the back of my mind as I was getting dressed this morning, I noticed that one of my boobs looked slightly different from the other (apologies to any men reading this).

I checked it more closely.

I have a lump.

Needless to say, my first reaction was to want to drink half a bottle of vodka.

I didn't. I called the doctor. I can't even make an appointment until tomorrow morning, and the earliest I can go in is Monday morning.

I don't know what to do.

I keep being reminded of the quote I posted yesterday - Edith Piaf's last words: "everything damn you do in this life, you have to pay for."

Maybe this is payback time.