Are You Struggling? Part 2

I wrote yesterday about how the end of January can be hard. And, I know from your comments and e-mails, that at least a few of you have slipped off the waggon.

If you have, then here's something for you:

I found another Anne Lamott quote, from her book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. Again, she's not talking about drinking, but it's so, so relevant:

Try looking at your mind as a wayward puppy that you are trying to paper train. You don't drop-kick a puppy into the neighbour's yard (she means GARDEN, English people) every time it piddles on the floor. You just keep bringing it back to the newspaper.

So, if you gave in to the evil wine witch, then don't beat up your inner puppy, just bring it back to the newspaper and keep on going.

There are, however, three thought processes to watch out for (I know this, because I've been through them all. Several times). They go like this:

(1) I only had one glass of wine, and - you know what - I didn't even like it that much! And I STOPPED! AFTER ONE! Halleluiah - I'm CURED!

You are not cured. You may be able to moderate for a while, weeks, maybe even months, BUT eventually you'll be back where you started. In fact, most people find that they end up WORSE than where they started, almost like our addict head is making up for lost time.

But you don't need me to tell you that, because you've tried moderation before, right? Lots of times. You know it doesn't work. Get back on the sober waggon - it's easier and you'll be happier. (See my post: Reasons to Quit Drinking: Because it's easier).

Here's the other one to look out for:

(2) I've blown it now. I may as well let rip. Really get it all out of my system. Then I can quit again. After all, I know I can do it now....

No, no, no. We've all been there. The 'letting rip' bit often ends up going on for months, and it's not easier next time. Actually it's harder, because the whole quitting thing isn't so new and shiny and exciting any more, and there's a little nagging voice in your head saying you flunked last time, and you'll flunk again.

Here's the third one:

(3) I'm weak. I'm bloody useless. I KNEW I couldn't do this, and it's true. My life is doomed, and the only way I can cope with all this terrible failure is to drink....

NO! You CAN do it! But you're human. It's difficult. Don't drop kick the puppy. Forgive it. Pat it on the head and try again. You know it'll learn eventually.

A while ago I wrote a post called 'Potholes in the Road' (click here). You haven't failed. It's just a pothole in the road. Next time you'll know it's there and you'll walk round it. Eventually, you'll find another street....

Keep on keeping on, people. We're all in it together.

Love SM x

Are You Struggling?

I read somewhere that the third weekend in January is the one where most New Year's Resolutions fail.

It's easy to see why.

To start with you're all fired up with energy and enthusiasm. And however hard it is, it's all a bit of a novelty at least.

Then, three weeks later, it's still hard, and the novelty's worn off. All you can see stretching ahead of you is a lifetime of denial, and you're thinking is this it? Surely making it to (nearly) the end of January is enough. I can't be expected to do this forever!

Well, I found a fabulous story from a lady called Anne Lamott which may help you. She's the author of a book called 'Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life.'

Anne tells a tale about her older brother, aged ten at the time (about the same age as #2).

Anne's brother had been asked to do a project on birds. He was given three months to work on it, so it was obviously expected to be a pretty comprehensive study.  However, just like #2 would do in the same situation, he had left it until the last minute.

It was the night before the project was due in, and the little boy was sitting at the kitchen table surrounded by empty sheets of paper, sharpened pencils and unopened reference books about birds.

He was totally paralysed by the enormity of the task ahead of him. It seemed insurmountable.

Then, Anne's father sat down next to his son, put an arm round his shoulder, and said "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird."

Anne wrote that story to help people get over writer's block, but realised that it applies to many situations in life. I think it's particularly relevant to us.

So, if that's how you're feeling, and the enormity of the task ahead has suddenly hit, and you're feeling overwhelmed, then don't think about the whole damn project. Just deal with one bird at a time....

....then after about 100 days worth of individual birds - from tiny hummingbirds, to huge, aggressive eagles, you find that the project is looking amazing. It's nearly finished!

You can't believe how much you achieved. You never thought it was possible. In fact, you're feeling so good about it that you decide to keep going, to see what else you can achieve.

And about six months after you started, not only is the whole bird project not at all daunting, but you realise that it's actually become your passion, your raison d'etre, an innate part of you. This is what you want for the rest of your life.

You put the books down, run into the street and shout "I'm going to be an ornithologist!" Or maybe a pilot? Or an aviation engineer. Whatever, the point is you're no longer afraid, and your whole life has changed.

That's why you mustn't give up. Just take it bird by bird.

Love SM

P.S. If you did fall off the waggon this weekend, then look out for my post tomorrow, for more wise words from Anne Lamott.