Thank you all so much for the wonderful messages you left me on my Soberversary - I was totally overwhelmed. You're all amazing.
It's very easy to feel alone when you quit drinking.
It seems as if everybody else on the planet is quite happily sipping on a glass or two of wine a night, then stopping, without suffering any ill effects.
We, with our defective off-switches and hidden obsessions, feel like outcasts.
It doesn't help that the prevailing wisdom is that alcohol use is perfectly safe for the vast majority of people.
Only a poor, miserable handful, we're told, have a disease called 'alcoholism', and they must never drink. For everyone else, it's a sophisticated hobby. Chin chin!
Well, I came across two articles this week which have made me realise that we really are not alone, and we are not a tiny, sad minority.
The first was mailed to me by my friend J. It's an article in The Independent, headlined 'What the Five Most Addictive Substances on the Planet do to Your Brain'. Here's a link to the full article.
This article is based on research done in 2007 by Professor Nutt (I've quoted his well regarded, but largely ignored, study before).
Nutt's research showed that heroin is the most addictive drug available today. It increases dopamine levels in the brain by up to 200%, and only five times the level required to get you high will kill you.
Fair enough. Could have guessed that.
However, the next most addictive drug, more so than crack cocaine, barbiturates and nicotine is alcohol.
Studies showed that alcohol increased dopamine levels in the brains of laboratory animals by up to 350%, and the more the animals drank the more dopamine levels increased.
According to this research 22% of people who drink alcohol will develop dependence. That's nearly one in four people. Certainly not just a small, unfortunate handful.
The same point was reinforced by the second article, in the Evening Standard, headlined: NHS hospital hires Priory addiction expert to tackle rise in women drinkers.
Here's a quote: The hospital (St Helier) saw a near doubling of alcohol-related admissions of women aged 30-49 as part of a drink epidemic sweeping the capital.
So don't feel alone. Don't feel like you're different, that you were dealt a horribly bad card and that life isn't fair. There are millions of people in exactly the same boat as us, it's just that we're the ones clever enough to see it!
(And if you do feel lonely, just pop on here for a virtual hug).
Happy, sober Friday everyone!
SM x
Fear of being alone and loneliness is probably what lead me to drinking. I always hated missing out and still do. Which is why weekends are my hardest. I'm on day 7 but I need to count the weekends.
ReplyDeleteI just got through my first Friday night. I'm totally determined and committed to my sober journey but couldnt face any mummy playdates at wine o'clock. Instead I put my phone away and did pizza and movie night with the smalls. Looking forward to waking up tomorrow and going for a long run. Thanks for the post.
You're doing great, Sunny! Friday nights are the hardest to start with, but Saturday and Sunday mornings are awesome! We're all rooting for you! SM x
DeleteYes. Keep at it. I am on day 47 and honestly don't know how I have got this far. I feel better than I am able to put into words. Thanks sober mummy.
ReplyDeleteI found stopping removed so much stress for me. I used to pace myself to the "average" drinker so as not to appear too lushy or desperate for Himself to go off to New York so I could get hammered in peace. It was exhausting!
ReplyDeleteFriends eventually get used to me not drinking and are far less bothered than I could imagine. I was scared I wouldn't fit in or be left out by not drinking but that hasn't happened in fact by becoming my real self life has got so much better. Less lonely and more alive, who would have thought it? x
In my mid-twenties (almost 30 years ago), I met an older gentleman (in his sixties) waiting for his car to be serviced at a Sear's auto repair shop. I was by myself, as was he, and we struck up a conversation. Maybe because he'd never see me again, he shared how his wife sat night after night, drinking her wine and zoning out. She was a good wife, he said, but he couldn't understand why she drank every night like that. He said they had a very good marriage, raised great kids, no major problems, etc. He was just so sad for her because he didn’t understand why she drank. When I started to drink like that, I would always recall this encounter, fearing it had happened to me. I'm happy to know it doesn't have to be that way. But it so true, there are many, many who fall under the control of alcohol. Knowing what I know now, feeling more alive, healthy, whole and peaceful without alcohol, I wish I could go back in time and let this man know it could be different for his wife. SM, you’re right, we are not alone, and we need to spread the knowledge!
ReplyDeleteLia,
DeleteI am about to celebrate my first year as well. Thank God and am grateful for the gift of sobriety.
However, I am trying to figure out how to handle the barrage of feelings that are now unmasked. Did you feel a lot that first year too? If so how did you cope with them?
Thanks!
Hi Jen, I'm actually not a year sober, but getting there. How I cope with my feelings- talking, sharing and listening to those that have gone through the journey of getting sober, or really, any journey where one has overcome some great obstacle in their life. And I also try very hard to remember how fortunate I am. But there are times when I just have to give in to whatever negative emotions I'm feeling at the time, and hold strong, knowing they will pass. Lia
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DeleteI try to remind myself that I'm not alone when I see all the social media posts which seem to rationalize and glorify moms drinking wine. I certainly don't wish this dependence on anyone but I know that there are more people than we know who have an unhealthy relationship with drinking. I'm grateful to have found blogs that I can relate to and be encouraged by.
ReplyDeleteI try to remind myself that I'm not alone when I see all the social media posts which seem to rationalize and glorify moms drinking wine. I certainly don't wish this dependence on anyone but I know that there are more people than we know who have an unhealthy relationship with drinking. I'm grateful to have found blogs that I can relate to and be encouraged by.
ReplyDelete'Moms drinking wine'..you mention, runningaway. I've been gob-smacked, here in the states, to see a recent campbell's soup commercial. For eons, Campbell's has been standby product, ubiquitous in most US kitchens, that has positioned itself smack in the midst of cozy families, smiling, well-fed children...Yet their current ad shows a mom hurrying through a supermarket, smalls in tow, stocking up against a portending blizzard. The shot concludes, from her back, as she grabs a bottle of wine from a display. Really?? It disturbed me because it is just such reinforcement/encouragement....you got kids? You got stress? Drink on!!
ReplyDeleteMethinks they should stick to selling soup.