I received an e-mail yesterday from a lady called M.
M says that she's made some very bad choices, especially with regard to relationships, because of her friend - red wine.
She went on to say: my particular weakness is for over promising and being overly generous with my time, plans and money when I'm drunk, then regretting it bitterly in the morning.
M was wondering whether other people had the same problem (answers below, please!)
This got me thinking.
I was always rather reassured by - proud of even - the fact that I rarely appeared terribly drunk. I had, I expect, a very high tolerance for alcohol by the end.
However, I became increasingly aware of the fact that I turned into a rather different person when I drank. A bit like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
M's e-mail made me feel rather awful, as M obviously becomes a rather nice and kind person when drunk. Too nice and kind, in fact.
I'm ashamed to admit that my drunken alter ego was not at all like that.
I like to think that I am, by nature, a kind and thoughtful person. I do think kindness and good manners are really important. Yet, when I drank, I became totally thoughtless and self centred.
After a few drinks, I wouldn't just gain in confidence, I'd become totally arrogant. I'd make little effort to be kind or thoughtful to others, and my favourite (only) topic of conversation would be idle (sometimes damaging) gossip about mutual acquaintances.
This really bothered me. You know how they say in vino veritas? Well, I worried that this nasty person who emerged after a few drinks was actually the real me.
Now I know it isn't.
And one of the best things about not drinking is not having to have those awful mornings when the realisation of what you did, said, promised or omitted comes back to you, shameful bit by shameful bit.
So, M, I think it is very common to find that alcohol turns you into a different person, and makes you do things you regret. But at least your Mr Hyde is a really nice guy!
What about the rest of you?
Love SM x
Great post. I too used to worry the angry shouting bitch I became when drunk, was the real me. People even say oh your true feelings come out when drunk. What a load of rubbish. I have been sober for 18 months and rarely even feel cross, whereas I would have weekly drunken rages.
ReplyDeleteMe too. But only at the husband - poor thing!
DeleteI used to turn into a nice and funny person, but sometimes I did turned into an arrogant person. So for me, what matter was the type ambiance that I was in while drunk, but for the most part, I was a funny person, but even that got out of hand from time to time. Excellent point to bring up.
ReplyDeleteI did nice and funny too, Tony, but only briefly, en route to mean ;-)
DeleteI think my problems stem from me being the opposite of M. I can't say no in my day to day life and I'm completely rubbish at self care. I work in a caring profession, have two young children and a demanding extended family. There never seem enough hours in a day. Alcohol was/is my way to switch off.. It's the only time I am particularly selfish. My biggest drinking episodes were/are alone at home watching trashy reality tv shows.. A little bit of me time when my brain switches off. As my dry January draws to a close I am very aware I need to find some alternative strategies.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean, SWMum. I find reading and exercise both great ways of 'switching off.' Plus box sets (with hot chocolate). You're doing brilliantly! x
DeleteReally interesting post SM. I really think it's probably the main thing that made me give up. I always thought I was rather a jolly drunk but my kids (18 &20) call me a "belligerent" drunk. It was said in a jokey way but really made me think hard. Apparently I am rather argumentative....... oh no I wasn't! Hmmm
ReplyDeletePerceptions of ourselves are rather unreliable after a bottle of red.
I'm impressed that your kids use words like 'belligerent.' You must have done something right! xx
DeleteYeah well you know how that's done even when you're drinking, kids come first. Also #1 has A level English 🙂 X
DeleteMy nature is strong willed to begin with, but when I drunk in excess (too many times) I became the ugliness, most vile person. What is really sad, was that I showed this side of myself mainly to my family. And yet, they still loved me knowing that it was the alcohol bringing out the worse in me. I don't want to bring that person back ever!
ReplyDeleteYes you are right, it's often our families that see that side, best behaviour in public!
DeleteI was like SWMum. I just wanted to drink wine or g&t till it hit the spot and I could switch off. The problem was that I would just keep going until I fell asleep. It made me selfish as I would hurry up the bedtimes and often sit in another room from my husband so I could drink freely, eat crap and watch crap tv. All so I could have some quality 'me time'!!! Now at 8 1/2 months af I really can't imagine going back to that yuckness. But there are still times I miss the self indulgence and immediacy of the hit of a few drinks. I am trying to find other things but am not complacent!
ReplyDeleteSo true! The scary/sad bit is that I reached point where it didn't matter how much I'd consume, 1 bottle, 2 bottles, even 3.. there still seemed no switch off.. Even if I fell asleep drinking, I would wake up anxious and jittery.. Argh.. I Don't miss that bit!!
DeleteMaybe at one time it made me a more easygoing, free spirited version of myself,
ReplyDeleteBut in the last few years if drinking I too became a critical, self protective, gossiping bitch.
I believe most of it was self protection. God forbid someone criticized me. I couldn't handle that at all.
Sad. I was sad, bleak and very bitter.
I like to think I'm not like that. I care deeply for those around me, and, honestly, I believe another persons happy just adds to mine. The world is abundant.
Anne
I squirm with embarrassment and horror when I look back. I was cruel and mean and selfish. And hated myself in the morning. Maybe at times I was fun....but the evidence is the fact that I have better relationships with EVERYONE, and there are no requests from my friends and family for me to go back to Drunken Jackie.
ReplyDeleteMy father was alcoholic and I know how all this feels... It's almost disgusting.. It took a few years for him to break free of his addiction. What helped him most was a really good and sympathetic consultant and also a private rehab course. I found a review of it http://health-zine.com/alcohol-free-forever-review/. If my dad managed to quit alcohol, anyone can! :)
ReplyDeleteI recognise the example. Waking up at 0400, anxious, unable to remember the end of the evening and then the guilt trip the next day. If I was with people; what had I said?
ReplyDeleteNo more. I must push on and see what the view looks like from 100 days plus. I read some stuff (crap) about tapering and moderation last night but it looks like an excuse to keep drinking and it won't work for me. Definitely "in vino veritas"
Justonemore
Nice and too generous buzz, mean, angry and tearful drunk. It's a spectrum that I passed through as the additional alcohol crept in.
ReplyDeleteIn my early drinking life, I was fun and silly.
ReplyDeleteBut later in my life I became a meanie.
Now, I'm so much nicer!!
xo
Wendy
in vino veritas - I've had this used against me - saying you speak your mind when your are drunk. I'm not sure that's true, especially in arguments. Alcohol dulls your mind and lowers your inhibitions. You say things that you would usually suppress. Just because you think a thought that doesn't mean it's your "truest" self. When sober you'd repress that Dr. Jekyll side - precisely because you're not your "full" self. But alcohol might let that side of you (that we all must have) slip out. Well that's the way I choose to see it. Sober Eeyore doesn't have to worry about that. A grumpy eeyore thought now - is my true filtered and considered (hopefully) Eeyorish self.
ReplyDelete