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Saturday 15 December 2018

5 Ways to a Fabulous Sober Christmas


If you're approaching your first ever sober Christmas, you're probably feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing.

I remember.

I was terrified about the idea of Christmas without booze. I thought it would be really hard, dealing with the constant triggers. I expected it to be boring and joyless. I pretty much wrote it off, and just wanted to get through the whole thing as quickly as possible.

Now, I'm approaching my fourth sober Christmas, and I promise you that I am more excited about Christmas than I ever was when I was drinking.

Like all of these things, the first time is the hardest, because it's all so new. You've spent decades doing Christmas one way (drunk), so it's bound to be a bit peculiar trying to do it a totally different way.

I remember when I first got married, being really nervous about Christmas. You see, every family has their own Christmas traditions, timings and rituals that somehow become totally sacrosanct, and you know that as a 'new' family, you're going to have to compromise and merge your traditions to create a new template.

Well, learning to do Christmas sober is a bit like that. It will eventually be just as good as the old Christmases (way better, in fact), but it will be different. You'll have to find new rituals and traditions to replace some of the old ones. But you will.

So, here are my top five tips for a fabulous sober Christmas:

1. Be brutally honest about Christmas Past

Okay, this is the mental 'limbering up' phase. You can start working on this one right away.

It's very easy to look back at Christmas with rose tinted glasses, and to remember only the jolly times. That glass of wine while wrapping the stocking presents on Christmas Eve. The first glass of champagne while cooking the turkey. The glass of red wine with Christmas lunch, and the whiskey while you watch Christmas telly in the evening.

STOP RIGHT THERE.

Go back and look again. Remember what happened next. All of it.

Remember how you drank too much while wrapping the presents and got some of them muddled up (or was that just me?). Remember waking up on Christmas Day with a hangover, feeling meh, and unable to get excited about the day ahead.

Remember getting drunk before lunch, messing up all the timings and forgetting the gravy. Remember the family arguments and falling asleep in front of the telly, missing the end of the film you'd been really enjoying.

Remember Boxing Day, feeling like death.

Does any of that ring any bells at all?

The truth is, Christmas probably stopped being really fun several years ago. The booze wasn't making it better, it was actually sucking away the joy.

Whenever you find yourself yearning after the 'good old days', replace those images in your head with the real ones.

2.  Don't try to be Superwoman

This is really important.

You are doing an amazing and brave thing, for you and your family, in giving up alcohol. This is the very best Christmas present you could possibly give. You DO NOT need to make everything else totally perfect and prove yourself some kind of superwoman as well. Do that next year, if you must.

This year, keep it as simple as possible. Don't try to cram in too much socialising or hosting. Don't over promise. If necessary, claim some kind of illness and cancel some things. Just focus on you, and your immediate family. The rest can wait.

Try to build in some time when you can take yourself off and hibernate for an hour or two, and recharge your batteries.

3.  Think about What You're Drinking

Make sure that, throughout the day, you have special drinks lined up.

The choices here are totally individual. Some people find 'fake booze' - like alcohol free wines and beers - really helpful, others find them too much of a trigger. Work out what works for you before the big day, and make sure you have stocks in.

I will be having a Seedlip and Fever Tree tonic on Christmas Eve, a spicy Virgin Mary while I'm getting the lunch ready, and a glass or two of Torres Natureo alcohol-free red wine with lunch. The truth is, I'll probably finish the bootle of wine over the course of the afternoon, because old habits die hard.

4.  Line up Treats

We big drinkers get out of the habit of treating ourselves, as for many years our go-to treat has been a glass of wine (or similar).  Plus, drinkers tend to have very low self-esteem. We don't think we deserve anything special.

Over the next few days have a really good think about other ways to treat yourself over the Christmas period.

Since you're missing all those booze calories, you can buy yourself some yummy foodie treats for the big day. Go wild. It's only one day. Feel no guilt.

Download your favourite books, music and movies. Invest in a pair of snuggly cashmere socks.

I'm going to book my eldest daughter and myself in for a pedicure on Christmas Eve, and I'm taking the whole family to Winter Wonderland.

Plan a giant lie-in on Boxing Day, or a shopping trip to the sales. Think how much cash you've saved by not drinking over Christmas, as spend some of it!

Do whatever you know will make you feel special. Because you are special, and you do deserve it. You really do.

5.  Be a Child

I realise now that Christmas is actually one of the easiest times to be sober. I know this sounds counter-intuitive, so bear with me...

The hardest time, I think, to be a non-drinker is at a drinks party. The clue is in the name. The whole event is built around drinking. Often sober people are really badly catered for. You end up with a glass of water wondering what it's all about.

Christmas, however, is the opposite. There is so much going on, over and above the drinking.

Christmas is about friends and family, it's about wonderful food and fabulous company. It's about magic and gratitude and love. It's about music and singing and films and family games and presents.

There is just so much to focus on, and you can properly focus on it, in all its wonderful gaudy glory, when you are totally sober.

Look at children at Christmas time. They are hyperventilating with excitement about it all, and that has nothing whatsoever to do with booze.

Be like them. Be a child. See it all through their eyes.

And if at any point you're finding it hard, then fast forward to the next day, because you know that on Boxing Day you are going to wake up feeling absolutely fabulous and so proud of yourself for having done your last ever first sober Christmas.

Merry, merry Christmas to you all!

By the way, there is loads of info and inspo on the SoberMummy Facebook page, and if you have any friends planning a Dry January, then the paperback edition of The Sober Diaries is out on December 27th (whoop whoop!). You can find it here.

If you're in the USA, you can't get a hardcopy annoyingly, but you can download on Kindle or audio (click here).

SM x

15 comments:

  1. Hi Clare.

    Excellent post.
    It is Phil here ( Emma ... back in the day).

    I read Sober Diaries yesterday from cover to cover; I was in my local library and it caught my eye (as you say a bit of Alice in Wonderland) ... 'please read me'.

    A really, rigorously honest and very helpful read.

    I am a friend of Bill & Bob's ... very much up and down over the last 10 years - currently in a good, sober, happy place thanks to trying something very different as a 'rehab'.

    Wishing you all the best and a safe, sober happy day.

    Cheers.

    Phil

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    1. So glad you liked the book Phil, and huge congratulations and a very merry Christmas to you! xxx

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  2. Excellent post Clare and just what I needed to read. I am secretly nervous about Christmas even though I'm excited about hitting my one year AF anniversary on 31 December. Last night I was watching a Christmas comedy on t.v. and opened a bottle of AF red. I havent drank anything AF for ages but just fancied something. I pulled out a wine class from the cabinet and dusted it off and drank a couple of glasses. When I first gave up, couldn't drink AF wine at all. I couldn't stand it as I was so used to the real thing so I drank Becks blue instead. The AF wine last night was lovely. I really enjoyed it so that was a huge milestone for me. To be comfortable with it AND take it or leave it. I've still got bottles and bottles of the real stuff here at home from last Christmas but it doesn't bother me. As the months have gone on, have drank less and less AF drinks and will quite happily sit in a restaurant now having a coke or glass of water. Amazing to think that I once would have polished off buckets of wine in one sitting. I am looking forward to Christmas and I DON'T miss the hangovers at all. Last year's Christmas was dreadful. I was so hungover Christmas day- it was awful. I had to cook for everyone whilst clinging to the kitchen worktop. I didn't start to feel better until the evening and hardly drank all day, I felt so ill. And you are right. Boxing day I felt like death. That's when I realised after decades of drinking, my time was up. It was no longer fun to drink and that I had ran out of time. Something HAD to change. Wishing you and everyone a wonderful Christmas and very happy 2019!!! Jacqueline Xxxx

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    1. Hello lovely Jacqueline! So glad you're still here, and HUGE congrats on the upcoming soberversary! Merry somer Christmas to you - you're going to LOVE it!

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    2. Thank you Clare! I've just bought lots of AF wine for Christmas so I'm well stocked!! Thanks for everything. You, your book and this blog saved my life!! A very happy Christmas to you. Jacqueline xxx

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  3. Hi SM - lovely to read your tips for christmas (as I just love reading your stuff - cant wait for your book - I know it will be amazing!!!), but even lovelier to be approaching sober christmas no. 4 (I think - gosh - cant believe I need to stop and count), and no longer be hanging on to the tips for a lifeline. Newbies - hang in there - keep going - Christmas (and life) will be so much better sober - however hard it feels in the beginning. Hope you and your family have a fabulous one, lovely Clare, and everyone else out there in the soberspehere.

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    1. SFM! So fab to hear from you! Merry Christmas to you too, lovely lady!

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  4. My third sober Christmas coming up and I can not wait!!!! They really are the best for so many reasons! Thankyou Clare fab advice as always πŸ’—πŸŽ„πŸ‘ŒπŸΌπŸ‘πŸ»Xxxxxxxx

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    1. Angie, you are such a superstar, and have achieved so much! 2019's going to be even better! xxx

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    2. Ahhh wow well your my inspiration!! So we can toast a becks blue to that!!! Xxxxx

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  5. The holidays are really the only time now that I occasionally feel left out of the drinking population. This will be my third Christmas, so I'm not at all worried, but I do need to arm myself with some strategies to enjoy the holiday, and not just survive it. In the past, I've gone into the kitchen and CLEANED THE WHOLE FREAKING THING while my family all lingered over wine at dinner. This year, I'm going to sit with the masses, have dessert early, and enjoy the company.

    Thanks for the blog!

    Shawna

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  6. Day 52! First alcohol free Xmas approaching but feel ok about it so far! I have stocked up on Nosecco, Seedlip, Torres red and non alc ginger beer with tonic. All set. Frinnie x

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  7. 2018 will be my third AF Christmas, and so happy and excited about the upcoming break! I'm going to celebrate with a Dungeness crab feast or two, riding with friends and oatmeal raisin cookies for my horse, and reading stacks of books by the fireplace.

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  8. Hi Clare. Thanks for all the super tips (also the humor lol). Day 322 and feeling strong. I never went overboard on Christmas Eve/Day in the past due to family commitments but I did look forward to Christmas night for obvious reasons. This year will be yummy caramel flavored hot cocoa and remembering the reason for the season. Merry Christmas! x

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  9. I love this post! I’m looking forward to wrapping presents for my kids with care instead of drunkenly wrapping and deciding which gifts didn’t need wrapping at all. The whole family is going to assume I’m pregnant which will be hysterical because I’m definitely at my limit with 2!! Merry Christmas. Love your book.

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